Since I was young you already stop believe in me..
You dont have hope on me..
Since when you have hope on me?
When I was undergoing my 'N' level..
You really look down on me..
I dont know who to look up to..
You said things like what if I fail my 'N' level?
What am I gonna do??
Almost every single day I hear that..
What a discouragement..
Discourage me so bad..
That you even said "Muke kau muke budak ITE,Tak bole gi poly nyer budak"
My heart sinks..
It sinks real deep..
When I told you Im going out to study..
You wouldnt even believe me..
You say things like Im going out to play and such..
Do you know everytime I wanted to talk to you..
I think twice..
Cause since young whenever I strike a conversation..
You give negative feedback..
And now till this very day..
I dont know what I should talk to you about..
I have been alone since I was 6..
Abah was not with us anymore..
You and kakak would talk and push me aside..
Till this very day..
If I were ever to tell you and sis about this..
Both of you are gonna deny it..
I know for some reason kakak hate me..
Kakak ade simpan rase dengki..
Kakak will be on mummy side..
And mummy will be on kakak side..
You know beside all those thing..
The part that really break my heart??
You said that when I have my own job..
I wont be taking care of you..
You said that I will put you aside..
Wanna know something??
Till this very day..
I dont know wether I should get married..
Cause my responsibility are huge..
Mak Bapak tanggung jawab anak lelaki..
I know you wouldnt trust me on this..
I dont drink,I dont do drugs..
And I think of you often..
You can ask my friends..
Like I said I dont know what to talk to you about..
When I talked bout my work..
You still negative give feedback..
Dont blame me if I seldom talk to you..
When you are unhappy with me..
Orang nk klua rumah salam tangan pun kdg kate tk payah..
Biler org salam nak cium pipi pun nanti mummy elak..
That really put tears in my eyes..
Hati berat nak keluar rumah..
Sometimes theres this feeling telling me..
That you regret having me as your child..
You regret giving birth to me..
Am I right mum??
You say I will never make it to poly..
And after my 'N' levels..
I pass..
And guess what..
You didnt even congratulate me..
I didnt feel happy..
I feel dissapointed..
Ask my close friends..
They seen me how I went through figuring how to talk to you..
About me wanting to continue to 'O' level..
In the end..
When I got my results..
I called you to tell you that I'm qualified for everything..
You quickly said "Dah,kau masuk ite sudah"
I was speechless..
I kept myself shut..
So for a couple of days..
I talk to my friends about this..
They advise me to talk to you again..
Still you talk bout ITE..
I choose my course..
You were unhappy..
Till this very day..
You look down on me..
You say you feel like you are leaving alone..
Well..
Since young every night I'm alone..